Reasons to read newspapers, but not to watch TV

It has come to my attention that Channel Four is screening a most objectionable programme called Big Brother. It would appear that owing to an unfortunate misreading of George Orwell's prescient novel, the programme makers have conceived of an entertainment whereby, like visitors to Bedlam of old, we are invited to laugh at the antics of various lunatics suffering from sundry disorders such as self-delusion, sexual incontinence, psychopathy and tediousness.

Obviously I have no intention of promoting the wretched affair but I was highly amused to learn that one of this year's contestants is the intriguing Derek Laud: a black, gay, fox-hunting Tory, with a knack for getting himself into unfortunate scrapes.

The reason I mention this odd fish is that he was once the subject of one of the finest newspaper profiles I have ever read (in the Observer, pre-internet I'm afraid; you'll have to visit their HQ if you wish to read it in full).

Apart from quoting his merry ripost to a hunt saboteur who told him "A hundred years ago they'd have been chasing you" - "And two hundred years ago I'd have been eating you." It contained the most brilliant euphemism I have ever encountered. Clearly he was somewhat more cagey about his sexuality in those days, because he was described as "a confirmed bachelor, like most of his close friends". Genius.